I’m sure most parents know “one of those” parents, the ones who hover and who are so involved in their children’s lives that it is often difficult to determine where the child features. Helicopter parenting which has been popularized in the media and describes a type of parenting in which a parent is overly involved with their child’s life and has difficulty detaching from their child. And while this may be appropriate and necessary with younger children, it becomes more problematic with older children.

Children progress through many different developmental stages, and through each stage children master certain cognitive, emotional, psychological and physical skills that assist them in meeting expectations emotionally, socially, academically and eventually occupationally. A parent’s ability to be adequately involved while at the same time allow for the needs of the child to be met at appropriate junctures, provides a good platform for healthy development.

There are different styles of parenting that describe the level of involvement of parents in their child’s upbringing and which span across different situations. These child rearing practices, as written about by Baumrind, include a parent’s acceptance of and involvement in the child’s life, the control of the child and the autonomy granted to the child (Berk, 2009; LeMoyne & Buchana, 2011; Padilla-Walker & Nelson, 2012). As you would imagine, the parents approach to these concepts would change as the needs of the child change. For example, a three year old would require much more control and less independence as compared to a sixteen year old. In short, the different styles of parenting that include these concepts to differing degrees are (Berk, 2009):

Authoritative child rearing practices
This style of child rearing is regarded as the most effective and involves high acceptance of the child and adequate involvement with the child and the child’s activities, adaptive control techniques and appropriate autonomy granting. Parents tend to be warm and attentive while remaining sensitive to their child’s needs. Boundaries are clear and firm but flexible.

Authoritarian child rearing practices
This style includes low acceptance and involvement, high coercive control and low autonomy granting. Parents may appear cold and rejecting, while at the same time exert a great amount of control. Children are given very little space to become more autonomous, and parents tend to be more instructive in style, for example: “do it because I said so.” Decisions are made for the children and children are expected to comply without questioning the demands.

Permissive child rearing practices
Parents who practice the permissive child rearing style tend to be warm and caring, but uninvolved with their children. Parents tend to be overindulging or inattentive, and generally practice very little control. They tend to allow children to make their own decisions instead of slowly allowing more autonomy as the child grows older.

Uninvolved child rearing practices
This style of parenting tends to include low acceptance and involvement, little control and parents tend to be indifferent when it comes to autonomy granting. Parents generally come across as uninvolved and detached. In its extreme form, uninvolved parenting is seen as a form of child maltreatment, or neglect (Berk, 2009).

Theorists have suggested that helicopter parenting is perhaps not a new dimension or style of parenting, but rather includes a different combination of the aspects mentioned above (Padilla-Walker & Nelson, 2012). Instead these parents seem to be generally high on warmth and acceptance of the child, low on autonomy granting and high on control. Parents who tend to meet this description may come across as ‘micro-managing’ their children, and who are overly concerned with their children’s activities and well-being. Further, helicopter parenting may be closely linked to parental separation anxiety in which parents have difficulty ‘letting go’ and allowing some distance between themselves and their child (Padilla-Walker & Nelson, 2012).

This is specifically evident when children reach adolescence and early adulthood. Helicopter parents include high involvement with their children, and perhaps a level of enmeshment in the parent-child relationship where boundaries tend to be more diffuse and easily crossed. As mentioned, this may be totally acceptable and expected with very young children, however, as children grow older and their need for autonomy grows, this style of parenting can be restrictive and may have a negative influence on their self-development. The risk then of not allowing a child space to negotiate their way through life leads to the possibility that children do not learn to negotiate their way through challenges on their own, their problem solving skills are restricted, their self-confidence and a belief in their abilities is doubted and so their reliance on external support is reinforced.

This then highlights the importance for parents to be are of, not only what their children need, but also what their natural parenting style is and how it can be adapted if necessary. Parenting is not an easy job, but being mindful of one’s impact on your children can go a long way in providing the most conducive environment for healthy development. This topic is definitely one that has not been investigated enough, and although in the long run, helicopter parenting can have a negative influence on a child’s development, this article by no means discourages parental involvement nor does it state that a parent ‘cares too much.’ Instead, it encourages parents to reflect on how their care and involvement manifests in the parent-child relationship.

References:
Berk, L.E. (2009). Child Development (8th ed.). Pearson International Edition, USA
LeMoyne, T., & Buchanan, T. (2011). Does “Hovering” Matter? Helicopter parenting and its effect on well-being. Sociological Spectrum: id-south Sociological Association, 31 (4), p. 399-418
Padilla-Walker, L.M., & Nelson, L.J. (2012) Black hawk down?: Establishing helicopter parenting as a distinct construct from other forms of parental control during emerging adulthood. Journal of Adolescence, 35, p. 1177-1190

Nikki Themistocleous is a registered Clinical Psychologist and lecturer with a part-time private practice. For more information please visit www.nikkithemis.co.za

DISCLAIMER: The information on this website is for educational purposes only, and is not intended as medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you are experiencing symptoms or need health advice, please consult a healthcare professional.