Got kids? Parents have heard it all when more than one child resides under their roof. “You love him more than me!” or another famous one “I wish I were an only child!”
Sibling rivalry is as old as Cain and Abel and as legendary as Cinderella and her stepsisters. Brothers and sisters fight – it’s the natural ebb and flow of family life. Different ages and personalities can play a role, but siblings often see themselves as rivals, competing for equal share of limited family resources (like the bathroom, telephone, or last piece of cake) as well as for the most important one of all, parental attention.
Sibling rivalry is a normal part of growing up, but can drive even the most level-headed parents crazy. What is the key to minimizing disputes at home while holding on to your sanity?
Tips to help you keep the peace at home:
• Don’t play favourites. This one’s a “biggie”. Try not to compare your kids to one another. Celebrate their differences. Set them up to cooperate rather than compete against each other.
• Don’t get involved unless you have to. Yes, this is probably the hardest one! If you do step in, try to resolve problems with your kids, not for them.
• Separate them. Take them out of the ring and let them cool down in their own corners. Sometimes all kids need is a little space and time away from each other.
• Don’t put too much focus on figuring out who’s to blame. It takes two to fight.
• Don’t let kids make you think that everything always has to be “fair” and ‘equal” – sometimes one kid needs more than the other. There is no such thing as perfect equality in a family. Treat each child as a unique and special individual.
• Give kids the rights to their own possessions. Kids shouldn’t be forced to share everything. All of your children should have something special that is completely their own.
• Make sure each child has enough space and time of their own. Kids need to play with their own friends without their siblings tagging along.
• Set ground rules which are clear and consistent. Make sure they know what you consider as acceptable and unacceptable behaviour as well as the consequences of misbehaviour.
• Teach mutual respect. Words are extremely powerful. Don’t allow your kids to insult one another. Every negative comment needs at least five positive comments to even out. Teach them to be kind.
• Have family meetings to recognise that everyone’s opinion matters. Everyone gets a chance to talk. No one has to talk, but everyone has to listen. This is the time to develop unity, build trust and self-esteem. The social skills and attitudes that children develop within the family circle will guide them for the rest of their lives.
• Spend one-on-one time with each child.
• Let them know that they are safe, important and loved, and that their needs will be met.
• Have fun as a family. Establish peaceful ways for your kids to spend time together and relate to each other.
• Be a good role model. The way that parents resolve problems and disagreements sets a strong example for kids.
• When your fuse gets a bit short, consider handing over the reins to the other parent, whose patience may be greater at that moment.
When fighting escalates to the point where one child is becoming emotionally or physically victimized, it needs to stop. Repeated hitting, biting teasing or belittling is forms of abuse and justification for you to step in. If you can’t stop the violence yourself, talk to a mental health care provider to get immediate help.
You didn’t think we actually have all the answers, did you? Hopefully, though, these broad strokes will help you solve some of the most common sibling issues you might come across. You’ll figure out the rest by trial and error! In doing so you’ll be parenting those squabbling brothers and sisters into the best people they can be: friends!
Source: www.med.umich.edu, www.focusonthefamily.com, kidshealth.org, www.parenting.com, www.mayoclinic.org, www.webmd.
DISCLAIMER: The information on this website is for educational purposes only, and is not intended as medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you are experiencing symptoms or need health advice, please consult a healthcare professional.
