Why do we work so hard at the gym and then binge on cupcakes when we get home? Or, are you an ambitious, conscientious employee who has a knack for oversleeping when something important is happening at work?
Maybe you have experiences like this often, foul-ups that wreak havoc in your life despite frantic efforts to regain control. The expression “you are your own worst enemy” rings true for most of us. Have you ever wondered why you keep repeating the same patterns of behaviour over and over and therefore keep getting the same pitiful results?
If you are you shooting yourself in the foot time and again -Or maybe using your entire body for target practice! – Here’s why.
In the midst of your madness, it can help immensely to know that there is a name for your pain. You may be using something psychologists call a counter phobic mechanism, to slide towards, not away from, something you fear. Those of us who use plain English call it self-sabotage – and it can ruin your life!
According to Alyce P Cornyn-Selby “Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and go about making sure it doesn’t happen”. People sabotage themselves on a daily basis. This isn’t done intentionally; it’s simply a mechanism to keep them in their “comfort zone”.
What are the reasons for self-sabotage? Why do we use certain behaviours, thoughts, emotions or actions to hold us back from reaching our goals? Sadly, self-sabotage tends to linger in our lives due to a lack of self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence and self- belief, and to overcome it, you should figure out what’s really going on. Take a pen and paper and make a list of things you plan to do tomorrow. List actions, both small and large. Showering, having breakfast, calling your mom…
Now think about the bad habits you’re trying to break. Feel the compulsiveness that accompanies it. As you imagine performing each activity, notice how much you feel like self-sabotaging behaviour. This could bring you face to face with some scary truths! Your job may make you want to smoke all sorts of things, and calling your mother may trigger your desire to gamble!
Once you’re aware of your self-sabotaging triggers it’s time to deploy your brilliant mind to create a life free of negative thoughts and full of nurture and compassion for yourself. Choose to treat yourself with kindness and love and notice how bad habits lose their compulsive pull.
Here are a few tips to help you stop self-sabotaging:
• Don’t be afraid of success. You are worthy of success and all that life has to offer, don’t let yourself stand in the way of it.
• Don’t be afraid of failure. This will only make you stronger in your journey towards success.
• Don’t be a people pleaser. You can’t make everybody happy – learn to say no.
• Don’t multitask. Complete one task before starting another.
• Don’t procrastinate. Just get things done already.
• Don’t put your success in someone else’s hands. Go and make it happen.
• Surround yourself with positive people to help you grow and reach your full potential.
• Don’t set unreasonable goals. Dream big, but make sure that your goals are achievable.
• Don’t complain about how things are right now. Be grateful and use your present situation to propel you towards your goal.
• Don’t worry, be happy! Replace frantic thoughts with calming thoughts.
• Don’t let perfect stand in the way of awesome. Recognise areas in your life that are pretty incredible, even if they’re not perfect.
• Don’t compare yourself to others. Be your authentic self, everyone else is already taken.
• Don’t let life pass you by. Appreciate the sun on your skin and revel in how great it is to be alive.
Going for what you really want takes considerable courage. Let’s face it, even when you put your best foot forth, things don’t always turn out as we would like. But, by taking a risk you open yourself not only to the possibility of failure, but also to the possibility of learning and growth. It’s up to you to decide which is more perilous: the risk of disappointment or the risk of never reaching your potential.
Source: www.oprah.com, personalexellence.co, blog.iqmatrix.com, brightdrops.com, www.huffingtonpost.com, www.beliefnet.com, www.psychalive.com, tidybuddha.com, elitedaily.com, www.lifehack.org