So, you’ve met this guy and you immediately hit it off, great!
He’s compassionate, kind, intellectual… pretty much the closest thing to perfect, BUT, and here’s the catch: he has a child from a previous relationship – what we in urban areas call a “baby daddy”. Okay, so what if your “Mr Right Now” is the father of a young child? Are you up for it, or is this a deal breaker?
Let’s face it: finding “the one” is difficult and when you bring kids and a former partner into the mix, things can get messy. It’s a whole lot of serious, right? True, dating someone who has kids are not for the faint hearted, but that being said; a child is no reason not to pursue the man you love. If you’re willing to put in the extra effort, you might find your happily ever after.
But, and here’s the kicker, always expect the unexpected! Keep in mind that romantic weekends away, or even romantic nights, will be very hard to execute. Yeah, be prepared for rose petals in the bathtub to be replaced by rubber duckies when a heart is broken over a lost spelling bee!
There’s no denying that this kind of relationship has its own challenges, but we have a few hints on how to make your relationship work with a daddy:
Realise that his child will always come first. You will never be number one, and you shouldn’t want to be. If he were the kind of man to put his girlfriend before his kids, you wouldn’t want to be with him anyway.
Accept that his ex will be in his life forever. Baby daddies have baby mamas! Get used to it and keep jealousy intact. Be confident in your relationship.
Wait with the introductions. Don’t meet his kids until after you have established the relationship and feel it is stable enough that the two of you will be together for the foreseeable future.
Introduce yourself as “just a friend of dad’s” – it’s good for them to see him making friends with both sexes.
Delay sleeping together when the kids are home, and only do so when the relationship is serious. It’s not good for kids to see their dad jumping in and out of bed with lots of women. If you do start sleeping together, be honest about it and don’t try to keep it a secret.
Don’t try to be their mother, you’re not. Be yourself.
Don’t take it personally if his kids dislike you. Even if you’re a really nice person, some kids won’t like you regardless of what you say or do. BUT never tolerate disrespect from your boyfriend’s children and insist that he backs you up on this one. Always present a united front.
Be flexible. Trust that he isn’t playing games when he cancels a date at the last minute. Some things will be beyond his control. Go easy on him.
Communicate. You may have different ideas about the future when it comes to cohabitating, marriage, and future kids. A man’s status as a father doesn’t mean that he wants more kids, if this is important to you – ask, don’t assume. Be open and honest about what you want.
You can always leave. If what he has to offer is not enough for you, end the relationship.
True, the fears associated with dating a dad are real – but what relationship doesn’t require effort? Good luck!
Source: www.keen.com, www.yourtango.com, www.w24.co.za, www.everydayfamily.com, madamenoire.com, www.dailymail.co.uk, www.scarymommy.com, thoughtcatalog.com, www.huffingtonpost.com, www.lovepanky.com, www.beliefnet.com, www.newhealthadvisor.com
