Who hasn’t found themselves geeking over a colleague, a friend of a friend, or (eek!) a hot neighbour?
A crush is thrilling – the outfit planning and the conversation starter you’ve planned for months ( just in case you know ) could instantly transform you into a starry eyed, giddy teenager. Sounds totally juvenile, right? Yet, the heady buzz of a new crush can hit adulthood too. It’s more common than you think, and it includes couples in committed relationships.
In a recent study of monogamous partners at the University of New Brunswick, Canada, about 80% of subjects reported having a crush on someone other than their partner at some point in their relationship.
The hart wants what it wants, so the decision to act on a crush is all on you. But tread carefully. It may be a good idea to keep those steamy hook-ups with your crush confined to your daydreams.
Sure, there might be a chance that the feelings are mutual, but there’s the possibility that your crush might not feel the same way about you, which could leave you devastated. Also, if your crush involves somebody off-limits, acting on it could leave you totally crushed (pun intended). For example, if you work together and the situation heads in the direction of a disaster, the consequences can include losing your job, being extremely uncomfortable at work, or inadvertently create office drama that could tarnish your professional relationship.
Turns out that crushing hard is only fun when the person you have your eye on is available.
The good news is that although it might feel exactly like a breakup, it is possible to recover from a crush. So, how to ditch the heart eyes you have for the person of your dreams? First of all, give it time. Don’t rush the grieving process and don’t pretend that the disappointment isn’t there. You had hopes and dreams that what you’re feeling would be reciprocated, so don’t expect to feel differently overnight.
Crushes often involve idealization. You might have been focusing only on their positive traits and not paying attention to the things that aren’t so great. So try to consider them from a realistic perspective and be sure to validate your feelings. Don’t allow all the “what-if’s” to lead you down a rabbit hole of personal shortcomings. Just remember, a failed crush has nothing to do with your worthiness, or who you are as a person. Sometimes, it’s just a question of incompatibility.
Hit up your friends to hang out more and, and if you’re up for it, go on a date. What is keeping you from setting your sights on someone who might actually be available for a genuine relationship. And social media? Three words … unfollow, unfollow, unfollow. Yup, limit the stalking. You don’t have to dramatically unfriend or block your crush – a simple Facebook unfollow, or mute on Instagram or Twitter will do the trick.
On the upside? Even if you don’t act on it, you may find that your crush serves a purpose you did not predict. A crush can make you feel sexy and beautiful and can inspire you to enhance your self-care and therefore dramatically improve – even transform! – your relationship with yourself and/or your partner.
So, when was the last time someone gave you butterflies?
Source: goop.com, womenshealthmag.com, healthline.com, hellogiggles.com, teenvogue.com, cosmopolitanme.com, theatlantic.com, hindustantimes.com
