So, you’ve found a partner, set up a cosy home and now you’re ready to have a baby, but it’s just not happening. Statistics show that one in six couples have trouble conceiving … you are not alone.

Infertility is an experience that strikes at the very core of who we are – our sense of self, our goals, and our dreams. It’s a life crises that precipitates a chronic grief reaction. In fact, research has shown that the psychological stress experienced by those with infertility is similar to that of people coping with illnesses such as cancer, HIV, and chronic pain.

When the quest in conceiving a child turns from the bedroom to the doctor’s office, new challenges occur. What was previously very private and personal – your sex life and your body – suddenly becomes a topic of intense interest to complete strangers. Moreover, you may feel plagued by feelings of inadequacy, emptiness, or failure that could interfere with both your quality of life and the quality of your relationship.

Coping with the challenges of infertility involves finding the strength within yourself and within your relationship to keep moving forward. While you may not have control over the physical aspects, you can take control over how you cope with the stress.

We have a few suggestions on how to deal with the emotional stress of infertility:

• Acknowledge your feelings. It’s okay to cry and to be angry. However, find healthy outlets for your emotions. Journal, exercise, or focus on work. Staying busy and active can distract you and give you a sense of accomplishment. Also, don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help if you need to.
• Tell your partner what you need. If you need to pass up the family gathering that features five nieces and nephews under two, then say so. If you want to be hugged, or massaged, or left alone for a few minutes, then say so.
• Get more information to reduce some of your uncertainty. Be positive, but realistic. Know your options and your path forward.
• Find your tribe. Find a support group and connect with others in the same boat.
• Focus on the present. You can’t change the past, so stop with the “should haves” and “could haves.” None of this is your fault. Remember, you can’t control the future either, so stop pre-living worries. You don’t have control over what happens during the treatment cycle.
• Re-examine your goals. How far are you willing to go in this process? Studies show that the top reason why people stop with treatment is not because they run out of money, but because they run out of emotional energy.
• Explore other options while in treatment. This doesn’t mean that you will actively pursue them, but that you’re simply looking into other ways to build a family.

Infertility is a journey you most certainly did not intend to go on, but if your goal at the end is to have a child, you will … it might not be as you had planned or intended at the beginning, but nonetheless he/she will be every bit your child in the end.

Source: cityfertility.com.au, rmany.com, verywellfamily.com, surrogate.com, shadygrovefertility.com

DISCLAIMER: The information on this website is for educational purposes only, and is not intended as medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you are experiencing symptoms or need health advice, please consult a healthcare professional.