Conservatively, it is estimated that 30% of South African households are now multi-generational and this trend is expected to continue upwards. South Africans are notoriously bad savers and adult children are literally now paying for their parents’ lack of retirement planning. Also, with advances in medicine and technology, we are living longer with chronic ailments and diseases. At the same time, our millennial kids are struggling to stand on their own two feet as a result of student debt, lack of employment opportunities, and increased cost of living.

However, it’s not just South Africans, the Sandwich Generation is a global phenomenon. In fact, a Pew Research Centre study in the US. showed that 1 in 8 Americans aged between 40 and 60 supports their kids and their parents. Where conversations used to be all about exciting things like empty nests, it’s now likely to be dominated by another topic: ageing parents and dependent adult kids. And it’s tough.

Caregiver burnout is rampant. The stress and worry is real and can often lead to serious physical, as well as mental health issues.

Here’s how to mitigate the impact of extended family responsibilities:

• Prioritize and identify ways your friends and family can lessen your load. Delay or say “no” to less important tasks. You need to set boundaries for yourself and others. It’s okay to ask for help from your spouse or kids. Remember, if you break down, then you won’t be able to take care of anyone.
• Take care of yourself. You might not be able to eliminate stress, but you can keep it in check. So, soak in the tub at the end of a long day, or take a 10 minute walk around the block. This will make you stronger for those who need you.
• Be transparent about money issues. Having aged parents financially dependent on you impacts all generations and can cause a lot of tension. Consider other sources of income. If your parents are underfunded and still in good health, explore tutoring or au pair options. This could be a valuable source of income for them.
• Strengthen familial bonds by asking your parents, if at all possible, to provide a source of childcare, which could also be seen as much needed relief. Healthy grandparents can be a huge boon to working parents. Even 1 or 2 hours per week could make a difference. Additionally, those with older kids can elicit their support by asking them to take care of their grandparents. This is a great way to foster responsibility, duty to family, and respect for elders.
• Protect relationships. Try to put feelings of resentment aside and work hard to bring your siblings together. Voice your concerns and worries.
• As for adult kids, make sure they know that you’re only helping them until they are on their feet. Be a consultant, not a CEO. Share your wisdom, but respect your differences.

With an ageing population and a generation of young adults struggling to achieve financial independence, the burdens and responsibilities of middle-aged South Africans are increasing.

However, in the words of Michael J Fox: “Family is not an important thing. It’s everything.”

Source: bbc.com, onemedical.com, healthywomen.org, pewresearch.org, sanlamreality.co.za, moneyweb.co.za, ebnet.co.za, extramile.thehartford.com, empoweringparents.com

DISCLAIMER: The information on this website is for educational purposes only, and is not intended as medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you are experiencing symptoms or need health advice, please consult a healthcare professional.