Are your relationships a bit of a running joke with your friends?
So, you’ve found Mr Right (again!) and this time it’s going to be different. Unlike your past relationships, you vow not to change just to please him, and that adorable hint of jealousy won’t snowball into full-blown insecurity and dependence …
But, when the same old problems crop up and threaten to bring your new love to his knees, it suddenly dawns on you: You are a relationship repeater!
Truth is any repeating pattern you see in your relationship is no accident. One of the most common phenomena psychotherapists deal with is a chronic pattern of dysfunctional relationships.
Here’s the thing, we all have an “A” list and a “B” list. Our “A” list is what we want – happy, caring, funny, and supportive. Our “B” list is what we get - moody, critical, unfaithful, or abusive. Why? Well, the “A” list is set up in our conscious mind and the “B” list is lodged in our unconscious mind, which we tap into without even being aware that we do.
Our unconscious mind is usually formed by our childhood experiences. Kids look up to their parents from the very beginning and this is why the kids of abusers often marry abusers. Clinical psychologist Dr Doris Cohen point out that we often repeat dysfunctional relationship patterns because we must “return to the scene of the crime” to bring understanding and love to the part of ourselves that’s still wounded.
The good news is that you CAN change these patterns. You CAN have the kind of relationship that you want and deserve by recognising these patterns, understanding why you have them, and consciously doing the work to change them.
There is no perfect relationship; we are all bound to make mistakes. But we’re lucky enough to have the opportunity to move forward and learn from them. Understanding where the pattern comes from, and how it was created, is key to finding ways to break it.
So, have the courage to break old patterns and make new relationships work. Remember, you deserve to be in a happy, supportive relationship.
Source: strongsensitivesouls.com, verilymag.com, lipsychologist.com, www.ravisly.com, www.healthyguidesdaily.com, www.ottawacitizen.com, www.lissajohnson.com.au, www.health.com, www.psychalive.org, thoughtcatalog.com, www.elephantjournal.com, www.eharmony.com, www.greatrelationshipsright.com, www.couselling-directory.org.uk, www.hayhouseradio.com, chriskingman.com, www.psychologytoday.com, tinybuddha.com, www.selfgrowth.com, www.huffingtonpost.com, psychcentral.com
DISCLAIMER: The information on this website is for educational purposes only, and is not intended as medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you are experiencing symptoms or need health advice, please consult a healthcare professional.