“Give that back!” “Mom, he took my stuff!” – Sound familiar?
If you are tired of breaking up sibling fights in your home; leaving you unsure whether you should interfere or head for the hills, welcome to the club! The sad reality is that the combination of squabbles could make life at home much more stressful than it needs to be.
A family is a lot like a sports team where not all of the players get along or like each other. But, that’s not a ticket to be mean or disrespectful. Our roles as parents are to model good sportsmanship, teach skills, and intervene when necessary.
So what are the top 10 arguments about and how should we handle it?
- Competition and Jealousy: Individuals have different qualities. One child may be good at academics, the other at sports, and a trophy or a medal could sour things up.
It is important to cultivate a loving, accepting environment instead of a competitive one. Siblings should be encouraged to support each other and cheer for each other’s successes. Avoid comparing your kids and love each one best. Your focus needs to be on strengthening and sweetening your relationship with each child.
- Closeness to one parent.
Parents don’t have to maintain equality at all times. Children have different needs and one child is bound to get more, because he needs more. But the important point is that each child feels secure in knowing that when he needs something from you, it will be given.
Set aside “alone time” with each child and make sure to ask each one at least once a week: “Do you know what I love about you?”
- Stuff and Space. This becomes more dominant in teenage siblings. Privacy and individual space is important. Little ones need to learn to share certain things but it’s important to create spaces and time to do their own thing; to play with toys by themselves, in their own space, without having to share. Not only does this teach respect for others and their belongings, it helps to ease disagreements on certain toys.
- Dibs on the Remote. Usually the strongest one wins this battle! Best is to set up a schedule showing which child “owns” it at which times.
- Never leave the last piece of pizza to share!
- Too much time Together. When people spend too much time together, they argue. Create an opportunity to pursue separate activities without siblings tagging along.
- Unequal Privileges. Whether it is pocket money or staying up later; explain to little ones that they need more sleep and that older kids or teens have other expenses.
- Different Personalities. Some personalities are so discrepant that two people may always be challenged to get along. Set a good example of how to interact appropriately with other people. Model acceptance and respect for others.
- “Tattletale, Tattletale”! Reinforce the value of overlooking minor differences. Encourage them only to report urgent incidents. Is someone hurt? Is this dangerous? Is a rule being broken that may lead to harm?
- The older child may think it’s his responsibility to shelter the younger one while the younger sibling may perceive this as being domineering. Treat each child as a unique individual with his own responsibilities and accountabilities.
In the end we want our kids to have more memories of happy times than conflict or strife. Our role as parents is to make sure that everyone feels equally loved, nurtured and supported, while setting limits on the disruption that constant fighting can cause.
Source: www.netmums.com, www.focusonthefamily.com, www.askdrsears.com, www.huffingtonpost.com, drdavewalsh.com, lisovative.com, www.ahaparenting.com, kidsactivitiesblog.com, www.babysitting.net, www.parenting.com, www.psychologytoday.com, kidshealth.org, www.familycircle.com, www.womansweekly.co.nz, www.businessinsider.com, www.med.umich.edu, www.today.com, www.supernanny.co.uk
