By Fedhealth

In a world characterized by a widespread lack of empathy, injustice, and suffering, the concept of self-compassion may seem distant. Even individuals with a natural inclination towards compassion often struggle to extend kindness to themselves. What if we were to treat ourselves as we would treat a friend in a similar situation? More likely than not, we would respond with kindness, understanding, and encouragement. Research from the University of Stanford indicates that individuals with self-compassion experience higher levels of success, productivity, focus, and concentration.

Dr. Kristen Neff, a professor at the University of Texas, is one of the leading researchers in the field of self-compassion. According to Dr. Neff, self-compassion is composed of three core elements: Self-kindness, Common Humanity, and Mindfulness.

Exploring the Three Components of Self-Compassion

A thorough examination of these components will enhance our understanding of self-compassion and provide practical skills for its cultivation.

1. Self-Kindness

Self-Kindness involves demonstrating kindness and understanding towards oneself in times of failure or emotional pain. Instead of resorting to self-criticism or harsh judgment during difficult moments, we can recognise the detrimental effects of self-judgment and treat ourselves with warmth and patience. Research published in the Journal of Research in Personality explores the link between self-compassion and well-being. Self-compassion entails valuing our worth unconditionally, even when we do not meet our own expectations.

2. Common Humanity

The concept of “common humanity” suggests that individuals are part of a larger human experience. Recognising common humanity allows us to view our own struggles as interconnected with those of others, rather than isolating ourselves in our imperfections. This understanding emphasises that we are not alone in feeling hurt and imperfect; instead, we can appreciate that such experiences are shared among all people.

3. Mindfulness

Mindfulness serves as an antidote to avoidance and over-identification in self-compassion theory. It involves acknowledging and labelling our thoughts rather than reacting to them impulsively. With self-compassion, we remain aware of our painful thoughts without amplifying their significance through rumination. This approach establishes a balance between over-identification and the avoidance of painful emotions. According to Shapiro and colleagues participation in mindfulness-based stress reduction activities increases self-compassion levels and leads to the cultivation of well-being.

Three Strategies for Practicing Self-Compassion

Practicing self-compassion involves mindfully accepting painful moments and embracing ourselves with kindness and care, while remembering that imperfection is a universal aspect of the human experience.

1. Treat Yourself as You Would Treat a Friend

Consider how you treat those you care about. In this context:

• Allow yourself to make mistakes. Self-kindness and common humanity are interconnected ideas: “We are human. But a) so is everyone else, and b) that’s okay.” Granting yourself permission to be human is a key step in accepting your flaws and recognising that imperfection is a shared experience.
• Care for yourself as you would care for others. Engage your own caregiving instincts by being understanding and empathetic towards yourself.

2. Become More Self-Aware

Releasing negative thoughts, often termed “releasing statements,” is closely linked to self-forgiveness exercises and aligns with the mindfulness principle of non-judgment. When faced with a negative thought, such as “I am a horrible person for feeling upset,” consider reframing it to “It’s okay that I felt upset.”

• Embrace your shortcomings as well as your strengths. Self-compassion is about not over-inflating your shortcomings into a definition of who you are.
• Practise mindfulness. Harvard Health Publishing  suggests that mindful practices are a good way to centre ourselves in the moment.
• Try not to judge yourself too quickly. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt.

3. Regain Perspective

• Release the need for external validation. Much of our negative self-talk stems from external perceptions, such as societal standards of appearance. By decoupling our self-worth from external influences, we engage in a significant act of self-kindness with far-reaching effects.
• Recognising our place in the  “bigger picture” enables us to adjust our focus.
• Reach out to others. Building social support networks is crucial for well-being, allowing us to reframe our perceived challenges within a broader context.

Embracing self-compassion signifies acceptance and honour our shared humanity. Life will not always unfold as we wish; frustrations, losses, and challenges are inevitable. However, cultivating self-compassion empowers us to navigate these experiences with resilience and grace.

References

Brooks, J. (2022, September 12). How to let go of little things and see the big picture. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/communication-success/202209/how-to-let-go-of-little-things-and-see-the-big-picture

Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education. (n.d.). The scientific benefits of self-compassion infographic. Retrieved from https://ccare.stanford.edu/uncategorized/the-scientific-benefits-of-self-compassion-infographic/

FedHealth. (n.d.). Steps to mindful authenticity. Retrieved from https://www.fedhealth.co.za/articles/steps-to-mindful-authenticity/

Harvard Health Publishing. (n.d.). Positive psychology test. Retrieved from https://www.health.harvard.edu/promotions/harvard-health-publications/positive-psychology-test

Neff, K. (n.d.). Rebounding from failure. Retrieved from https://fvhd.crediblemind.com/videos/rebounding-from-failure-or-dr-kristin-neff

Neff, K. (n.d.). What is self-compassion? Retrieved from https://self-compassion.org/what-is-self-compassion/

Neff, K. (2011). An examination of self-compassion in relation to positive psychological functioning and personality traits. ResearchGate. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/222406528_An_examination_of_self-compassion_in_relation_to_positive_psychological_functioning_and_personality_traits

Positive Psychology. (2019). How to practice self-compassion. Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/how-to-practice-self-compassion/

Shapiro, S. L., Oman, D., Thoresen, C. E., Plante, T. G., & Flinders, T. (2008). Cultivating mindfulness: The effects on well-being. Journal of Clinical Psychology. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18484600/