So, you’ve met this guy and you immediately hit it off, great! But what if “Mr Right Now” is the father of a young child? Are you up for it, or is it a deal breaker? Fantasies about playing with the kids and having ice cream dates could very well be on the cards. But could means it’s a gamble, not a guarantee.

Let’s face it: finding “the one” is difficult and when you bring kids and a former partner into the mix, things can get messy. Even if he’s compassionate, kind, intellectual, and pretty much the closest thing to perfect; you’re going to want to ask a few questions first before dating someone with kids.  

Here’s what you need to know before you start coordinating school-drop offs:

• Will you be the primary partner? Know that the mother of his child will always be a part of his life. Baby daddies have baby mamas. What kind of relationship does he have with his ex? Will you feel confident enough to keep jealousy intact?
• Will there be boundaries around couple time? Cuddling every night with you boo is probably not going to happen. Finances might also be limited. Are you willing to give up regular restaurant dinners for mac-and-cheese with the kids? Romantic weekends away, or even romantic nights, will be hard to execute; be prepared for rose petals in the bathtub to be replaced by rubber duckies! If he can only make room for and prioritize obligations, you might want to reconsider.
• What would your responsibilities with the kids involve? What will be expected of you? Don’t try to be their mother, you’re not. Be yourself, always.
• What if they’re disrespectful and don’t like you? Will that be tolerated? Don’t take it personally if his kids dislike you. Even if you’re a really nice person, some kids won’t like you regardless of what you say or do. BUT never tolerate disrespect from your boyfriend’s children, and make sure that he will back you up on this one.
• Does he want more children? A man’s status as a father doesn’t mean that he wants more kids, if this is important to you – ask, don’t assume.

It might be a good idea to wait with the introductions at first. Don’t meet his kids until after you’ve established the relationship and feel it is stable enough that the two of you will be together for the foreseeable future.

Remember, kids are always going to be a huge part of your partner’s life and if you can’t see yourself spending time with them, dating someone with kids might not be for you.

There’s no denying that this kind of relationship has its own challenges, but that being said; a child is no reason not to pursue the man you love. If you’re willing to put in the extra effort, you might find your happily ever after.

Good luck!

Source:  keen.com, yourtango.com, news24.co.za, everydayfamily.com, madamenoire.com, dailymail.co.uk, scarymommy.com, thoughtcatalog.com, huffingtonpost.com, lovepanky.com, beliefnet.com, newhealthadvisor.com, womenshealthmag.com