So, a friend – or a colleague- wants your help with a project. She has a deadline and needs a few hours of your time. Would you help?

Hmm … you immediately feel your shoulders clench. You could probably squeeze it into your already tight schedule if you gave up the kids’ Saturday football match as well as Sunday lunch. Truth is you simply don’t want to; BUT, you end up saying:  wait for it … “yes”!

When was the last time you said “no” to someone you know? I bet you really have to think about this one!  Saying “no” for most people, doesn’t come easy. Yes, this one little syllable is too often avoided, much to the detriment of yourself and your family.

Yeah, most of us have “The disease to please”! Humour aside, why is it so difficult to say “no”?

According to Susan Newman, PhD, social psychologist and author of The Book of No – 250 ways to say it; our inability to say “no” is not a personal flaw – saying “no” is a learned behaviour.

As young kids the word “no” is drummed out of us. Toddlers who say “no” are reprimanded or punished. But, it doesn’t stop there. As we continue to grow we are encouraged to be nurturing and caring, and that usually involves saying “yes.” Combine this with the social connotation of it being impolite to say “no” and voila! We avoid the word altogether!

But, what will happen if we dare to say “no”? Will you really limit your career prospects if you say “no” once in a while? Will your friends expel you from their group if you don’t say “yes” to every invite? Ever thought that maybe, just maybe, everyone might respect you and your time more if you said “no” more often?

Saying “no” can be empowering. It will allow you to set boundaries, establish your needs as worthy of respect, and help you to focus on the activities that bring you joy. Time is a precious commodity, more so than money – because while you can earn back money, you can never get back time! Don’t over clutter your calendar with commitments that constantly keep you away from the ones you love.

Think about it: when you say “yes” to something you don’t enjoy, you’re saying “no” to the things that you love!

Here are a few simple tips on how to say “no”:

• First of all, it’s ok to say “no”. People have the right to ask and you have the right to decline.
• Know your priorities. Is making more time for family your biggest goal this year? Knowing your goals reinforces your reasons for saying “no”.
• Keep it simple. Be polite but firm. Simply say “no” and give the key reason why. A lengthy explanation will simply bog the other person down and weaken your position. A simple: “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I can’t take it on” will suffice. If you are already working overtime and find it hard to say “no” try: “I’d be happy to work on that for you, but I have two deadlines coming up and I don’t think I can do it this week”. Explain your predicament and offer to talk to one of your colleagues to see if anyone can step in for you.  On a personal note you could say: “I unfortunately can’t make it, but thank you for the invitation.” Period.
• Come up with an alternative. This is by no means something that you have to do, but you could offer an alternative form of support. This alternative should be something that you are willing to do because it is easier, less complicated, or less time-consuming. Not something that takes up more of your time.
• Be ready for resistance. Particularly if your tendency has been to cave under pressure, don’t be surprised if you get pushed back into a response. Remain firm and repeat your initial response.
• Accept the consequences. On a professional level you may have to address the conflict if the other person’s reaction negatively impacts your ability to do your job.

So, come on, reward your new found assertiveness by booking that family breakaway weekend! Did you know that you could save up to 30% on Mango flights by joining Sanlam Reality? Say “yes” to the more important things in your life. Could you afford not to?

Source:  www.psychologies.co.uk, www.idiva.com, www.psychologytoday.com, www.fastcompany.com, growingleaders.com, www.businessinsider.com, www.lifehacker.org, www.realsimple.com, www.forbes.com, www.newdirectionsconsulting.com, www.themuse.com