So, mom and dad, you wave goodbye as your not-so-little-one heads off to University, happy that you’ve equipped them to make their way in life.

“This is going to be the best days of their lives, they get to be independent, make new friends and learn more about themselves and their interests” – but the reality could be quite different.

It is a time of enormous change and readjustment: new lifestyles, new study demands, and coping with the pressures and opportunities of greater independence… Daunting, even for the most confident young adult!

Here’s the thing: Students think that Uni’s got to be wonderful. Students share their “best bits” on social media and if your child’s expectations are not met, he/she feels worse because it seems as if everyone else is having the time of their lives. It is totally normal for this transition to be VERY DIFFICULT.  Navigating their way around campus, trying to make new friends, and maybe living without their family for the first time, can be very hard.

The good news is that most students eventually handle the transition from school to University well, dipping into newly found freedom and (hopefully!) balancing it with an increased sense of responsibility. Yes, it takes time, but the majority of young people grow dramatically because of it.

This could, understandably so, be very hard for parents watching their teen go through this difficult transition. Should you help?  And how do you help without coming to the “rescue”?

Here’s what you could do:

• Be calm and supportive. Remember, this is all a reflection of the growth process.
• Recognise that their emotions are real.
• Let go – to a certain extent. Allow them to pick their own courses, based on passion, not on perceptions of which is the safest or most pragmatic.
• Listen and offer advice only when explicitly asked. Avoid problem solving and second-guessing.
• Allow your child to make decisions. Making choices and living with the consequences – good or bad – can be empowering.
• Express confidence in your child’s abilities and continue to encourage him/her to take responsibility. Your reassurance will encourage a greater sense of inner security.
• Stay in touch, but perhaps not too much. Help foster their independence by perhaps being in touch less frequently than you’re used to. You could also ask how often you could communicate.
• Let them know that you are always there.
• Don’t focus on grades. Ask what classes they enjoy, what they are learning and what they are doing for fun. Assure them that they’re best effort is all that you expect.
• Encourage them to join an interest group. A University society, club or sports team could be a good idea.
• If your child is away at Varsity, resist the temptation to invite them home too frequently because you miss them. This could set them back socially.
• Encourage your child to make use of campus resources. Counsellors and tutors are available at most Universities.
• Talk to them about getting enough sleep, eating well and hydrating.
• Encourage them to practise self- compassion and kindness. Studies show that University students who are kind to themselves and accept their difficult feelings do better than those who are critical of themselves.

It will take time for your student to accept that being happy, sad, confused, liked and disappointed are all part of growing up. While it’s true that a happy life comes from positive emotions, it also comes from resilience. Good luck on this new journey!

Source: www.theguardian.com, www.thedailymail.co.uk, www.sussex.ac.uk, greatergood.berkeley.edu, www.huffingtonpost.com, www.dad.info, johanfourie.wordpress.com, www.sowetanlive.co.za, university.which.co.uk, parents.uchicago.edu, parents.stanford.edu, parent.wisc.edu, warren.ucsd.edu