Before marrying Amal Alamuddin, perpetual bachelor George Clooney ended his relationship with Elisabetta Canalis after she told a magazine she was aching for marriage and kids. Owen Wilson, reportedly split from Jade, his girlfriend and mother of his son, because he’s still “not ready to commit”.
Yeah, if there’s a single word that stirs up deep emotions it’s “commitment”. While some desperately seek it, others run the other way!
According to psychologist and relationship expert Dr Pam Spur, these male celebs have more in common than their dashing good looks; they’re all typical commitment phobes. This specific persona (think Carrie’s Mr Big or Bridget Jones’ Daniel Cleaver) avoids getting emotionally close and fears dependency on and by a partner. And yes, unfortunately this runs rampant outside of Hollywood too!
Although there’s nothing wrong with being single – If you are successful, sociable and a ball of fun to be around but still single, there’s a chance that you may be a commitment phobe. This term simply refers to someone who is terrified of commitment and who prefers a lifestyle unmarred by having a significant other.
Both men and women can suffer from relationship anxiety and commitment phobia, although studies show that primarily males tip the scale here.
Commitment phobia is a very painful experience both for the one who engages in the pattern and for those who are involved with that person. The key component is fear; fear of intimacy and deep emotional connection. Whenever commitment phobes are pressured for a commitment, they are likely to leave the relationship or, they may initially agree to the commitment, and then back down because of overwhelming anxiety.
Commitment phobes feel they need to cut off their feelings after a certain point of knowing someone as a means of feeling in control and feeling emotionally protected. This is often not conscious and going on at the deepest level of the sub-conscious.
Commitment phobia is fuelled by the way we think about things, especially permanent things! Getting engaged, getting married, getting a mortgage, or even buying a pet. Whenever there is a feeling that things are progressing further, the fearful person feels out of control, unsure and not convinced that they have the right person, pet or home.
The causes of commitment phobia are as varied as the people who suffer from it. Typically, however, many people with commitment issues have complained of having experienced poor romantic relationships, either first hand or through observation of others.
So, do you feel that you give more to your relationship that what you receive? Does your beau have a history of intense relationships that didn’t last? Was it more about the chase than the catch for him? Does he have unrealistic expectations and a wandering eye, always keeping the “single door” open? Does he pull away when you have “the talk”, always complaining that you are clingy and needy? Have you noticed how he often says: “sounds great”, or, “I’ll come back to you” and never does? All red flags!
The fear of commitment can be overcome. The first step is being open to change. Consider therapy to make you more conscious of the reasons why you are, or living with, a commitment phobe.
Some blessings only come with long term investments. Embrace the challenge, who knows …
Source: psychcentral.com, www.huffingtonpost.com, wikihow.com, www.jamaicans.com, www.visualizationworks.com, www.bustle.com, www.lovepanky.com, www.glamour.com, verilymag.com, blog.chron.com, goinwriter.com, www.marieclaire.com
