Life is fragile. Hard times are inevitable and when dealing with life’s many curveballs; whether it be death, divorce or a break up, it is usually good friends and family who always pull us through, right?
Watching a friend deal with a challenging situation can be tough. It is natural to want to help, but how do you help when someone you love is struggling? It can be tricky.
When life gets messy you could be afraid of saying the “wrong” thing and end up doing nothing, or maybe you feel as if they’re probably getting help from others so yours may not be needed, right? Wrong. There’s no such thing as too much help when you’re suffering.
One general rule of thumb is to steer away from vague, general offers, like “call me if you need anything.” Instead offer specific help: “What is a good night to drop off dinner?”
When you are in the privileged position to comfort a friend in crisis, you have been given a wonderful opportunity to express your love and support.
We have a stash of how-to-help tips:
- Reach out. Silence speaks louder than words misspoken. People in crisis often feel alone and isolated. Don’t avoid the situation. A simple “I’m so sorry” or “I’m thinking of you” could make the world of difference.
- Be honest. “I wish I could say something useful, but I don’t know what to say, so I’m just here for you” or “If you feel like a visitor today I could come over. If you just want to be alone, that’s fine too!”
- Be someone they can trust. Avoid sharing the details of the crisis with others. They don’t need the burden of being let down by you on top of everything else they’re experiencing.
- Let it suck! Comfort and positivity have their place, but so does sitting in the dark places with them. Having someone acknowledge how the situation sucks is important. Moving forward and seeing the good can come later.
- Know that night-time is often the hardest time for people in crisis. Call in the evening to check in.
- Don’t rush them through their pain. Just listen. Telling the story is one of the cornerstones of psychological treatment for trauma. Never criticise or judge.
- Don’t ask how you can help? Take charge and do little considerate things like grocery shopping, babysitting or the laundry. Be sensitive though, respect what they say about their needs.
- Send a box full of luxury awesomeness. Maybe some bubble bath, a scented candle, luxurious body butter, or a playlist of favourite tunes.
- Include them in your plans. Distract them by doing something fun. Go to the movies, or out for coffee.
- Remind them that they don’t deserve whatever happened to them and tell them how much their friendship is worth to you. Remind them that they are loved.
- Make them laugh. Heaviness creeps in and takes such a stronghold that it can sometimes feel like you are being suffocated, like you have forgotten how to breathe. Laughter is healing.
- Be mindful of their mental health. If you notice behavioural changes, a shift in appearance, or an increase in feelings of apathy, they might be suffering from depression. It’s okay to suggest that they talk to someone.
“I get by with a little help from my friends” – John Lennon. Yeah, that’s pretty much the bottom line.
Source: journalthriveglobal.com, www.scarymommy.com, www.ravishly.com, www.psychologytoday.com, goop.com, www.scribblesand crumbs.com, www.theodysseyonline.com, www.huffingtonpost.com, www.nami.org, goodlifezen.com, www.extension.umn.edu, www.wikihow.com, rosenpublishing.com, www.lifehack.org, www.buzzfeed.com, www.womanshealthmag.com
